Friend-ship & Lifeboat
One of the most famous phrase we heard in school was A friend in need, is a friend indeed. Class monitors or the prefects would write this at least once a year on some blackboard (classroom's or general) as "thought for today". Some of us were emotional on that front too just by reading it. Some really thought their friend in school will remain with them forever only to realize later that once the school is over, the friend has sailed swiftly to some place where we don't tread.
Then came the days of colleges where those who couldn't bond in school had really great bonds from then on. As for some it lasted for a while in school, same it was in College too. For some the friendship lasted life-long; well those are exceptions.
Then came the hormonal imbalances spiced by Bollywood as below...
There were always strong friendship stories showcased between men in Bollywood. Be it Jai-Bheeru of Sholay or Somu & Vicky of Namak Haraam or Anand & Babu Moshai of Anand or the Three Idiots' Farhan, Raju & Rancho or from Dil Chahta Hai's Sid, Sam & Akash to Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara's Arjun, Kabir & Imran with many more alike. I wonder why Bollywood is such a chauvinist and never showed strong friendship between women? Women too are strong friends to women as well as to men. Perhaps stronger and better than as men are with each other. The last I saw was a Marathi movie called Bindhaast.
which showed a very strong die-for-each-other style characterization between the two leads, Vaiju and Mayuri. A crime thriller and drama. It was the year of my graduation and the song, Tujhi ne majhi khunnas was a rage of our picnic trips back then. But yes, cliches apart, this was the only movie I saw in mainstream about strong friendship between two women. Rest remain to be placeholders.
Today is Sunday and Sundays were always my times with friends, before I got hooked, then married and now a father of a lovely kid. Though, I love this life, its a phase that had to happen anyway, but Sundays bring back those memories, when we kids and then later as teens and youths, used to get on our national religion (quite a pun, intended), Cricket at some ground or even a straight drive conducive only, gully. All you needed was three stones, a bat, a ball and even 1 friend was enough. We boys had to sweat it out come what may. We never planned anything but we will enjoy the in-moment strategy to play. The running around the shots, the yelling, the blast sound when the bat strokes the ball hard, the aggression, the breaking of window glasses, the chase of the owner thereafter, the chaos by afternoon if at all it would happen between our parents and that window owner or the post game lunch break, for which though we were hungry like wolves, but we won't leave the play area until mom calls us. The Sunday feasts were always my favorite. Mom, who never liked cooking, would be a Ninja on that day for two men of her life, me and my dad. It was all a great day indeed. Post lunch, we always wanted to play again, but the team size will reduce suddenly for some won't be allowed and some would vanish. Overall, Sundays were days where we hung out with friends.
As you grow, in your teens the life gets modified around and with friend(s). Life moves on with studies, job, career. Some friends remain with you, maybe not with the same zeal as they were. Maturity kills the innocence always and thus the purity of behavior. I am 43 now and would say, since the last 13 odd years, meaning post 30, I haven't made any strong bonding with anybody as a friend, except for my wife, whom I met when I was 28. How easy it was in school or college that person sitting next to you is your friend and he/she indeed became so. As you grow, your own prejudices do not let you befriend anyone. Your experiences, your greed, your wants/desires, your ambitions, your behavior etc all create an invisible cloud which just blurs everything around you, leave alone seeing the other person beyond what he/she is. As a kid, neither we needed that nor the friend was so... all were as-is-where-is basis. No prejudices.
Over the years, my experience says that there are three types of friendships according to me...
- Fraternity type - It is a kind of friendship where the depth is shallow but it is always fun to be with that friend. So if you haven't met that person for months or years, and if you resume suddenly, you start from where you left. Such friends are neither medicines nor addiction. They are always there for your good times and a listener when you want to pour your bad time experiences. I have three such.
- Bonded type - This is a kind where you meet or chat or talk everyday. You might share all your personal, professional experiences, issues etc. Your family too might know about them and their family about you. They help you when you are in need and chide you when you might need it but you don't know you do. Closest and strongest friendship. Always there for each other. Usually glorified in the movies.
- Soliloquy type - This type everybody seeks but really don't know where to or how to... Often you don't want friend to help you, lend you money or so. All you want is what you want to talk to yourself to be heard by someone else. It could be like your parent or spouse or someone with no strings attached but a bond that you want to fall to. Whether you are philosophical like me or not... everybody wants this type.
More than making others listen you and definitely unwilling to listen to others... we all want or need to talk to ourselves more... and we do... often we talk to ourselves more than to others... our mind is the chirpiest thing in the world. And when we actually get a person to whom we can talk to (or nowadays chat to on WhatsApp or so) as we do to ourselves, the mind is relaxed more than it could have been doing Yoga or listening to music or so. I am a type of individual who believes in active meditation this way than passive form of closing eyes and sitting in a trance. Mind is chirpy, let it chirp. When those chirps are heard by you, you are insecure at times. But when they are emitted to a person who is the third type, you suddenly start unraveling your own life elegantly. Isn't that great? These are our lifeboats. They are there when we need to find ourselves away from the clutter. Type 1 and 2 might sink, but the third type is always a lifeboat.
The third type is rare in today's times where the fast paced and financially burdened life makes you do a tight rope walk and also chase your own tail. You can't stop to discuss things than just send whatsapp forwards, neither the other person. Today's times are of ignorance and oblivion. If there is a problem, just ogle at your phone, check something, surf and forget your issues. If you are happy, then too do the same. Forwarding jokes and memes and snaps is the new bonding they say. One who doesn't, is out of the league. So now friendship is also a competition. Sad! Often in the social media groups, one who is quiet and no posts is wondered about. Maybe he/she enjoys other's post but is not a type who react to it. People consider such members as losers. Funny indeed!
But speaking about the third type, getting such a friend is purely luck. No bonding or camaraderie can create this person unless he/she exists and your destiny takes you to them. As far as I am concerned, have I got one such? Well... this is a blog... better respect my privacy.
Happy Sunday and wish you all the third type in your life!
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Thank you :)